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Sunday, 29 January 2017

Swinging Both Ways: In Justine's Post-National State the Options Are Endless

by Tim Murray
Gender Construct Penis

After having read a quote by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau to the effect that Islam's values are Canada's values, I thought I had met my quota of absurdity for the week. Then this came along.

A transgender couple had a baby. In other words, a woman who thinks that she is a man conceived and gave birth to a child that was sired by a man who thinks that he is a woman. One wonders what this baby will evolve into. He or she will have a woman for a male role model and a man for a female role model, and possibly grow up convinced that he or she is of a different gender that his or her DNA indicates. Who knows. As Justin said during his election victory speech, this is Canada and anything is possible. Say it can't be done and you are not a Canadian. And what's a Canadian? Somebody who shares Islamic values I guess.

Given that there are reputedly some 67 different sexual identities now, in 5 or 10 years time there may be triple that number. Each with a different designated bathroom no doubt. Accordingly, the floor space of schools and libraries and shopping malls and bus terminals and various other public facilities will have to grow exponentially to accommodate them all. Jet liners, for example, will have to cut their passenger loads in half to free up the space to provide each gender variant a private place to pee. To do otherwise would risk a human rights complaint because generic bathrooms accessible to all would represent a failure to acknowledge the differences we cherish and the full range of sexual orientations that make up our wonderful human rainbow in this diverse paradise we call Canada.

Consequently airline tickets will go for $10,000 each — and that is just for economy class.

The Airline of the Islamic Republic of Iran will then have a competitive advantage. There will be only two bathrooms on board their planes. One for males and one for females. Gays and transgenders will use the one on the other side of the emergency door and shit themselves on the way down. If that gay or tranny is a Canadian, it will be at that moment that he or she or it will discover Islam's values aren't Canada's values after all.

I know that Justin promised that he would grow the national debt by spending $13 billion of borrowed money on urban infrastructure projects. But he has obviously failed to factor in the cost of all the sexual re-assignment surgeries that will be required to help the growing multitude of sexually confused "men" and "women" align their plumbing with their possibly transitory self-images.

Additionally, of course, an entire army of psychologists will have to be employed to interview prospective sexual reassignment surgery candidates to ensure that they really want to make the switch. Perhaps taxpayers will need to fork over another $500 billion to meet the demand, especially if after a trial period as a woman, many reconstructed men realize that they are not really women after all, or vice versa. Some may even come to the realization that they are not even human. They may conclude that deep down, they are dogs or cats or giraffes — or Vulcans. It is clear that there will be a tremendous demand for cosmetic surgeons in this progressive post-national utopian state of Justinian Canada.

However, if — thanks to Justin's immigration policy — Justinian Canada becomes a Caliphate, I should think that many Canadian men would be less inclined to become women. And certainly those who think themselves to be pigs would not be keen on looking like them. On second thought then it might be best to hold off on any plans to spend $50 billion on training medical students to become sexual reassignment surgeons. Instead, that money could be reallocated toward the subsidy of suntan salons for White women like Rachel Dolezal who believe that they are black. Those politicians who want to claim that they have aboriginal blood can leave the salon before their skin becomes brown and emerge as red. That should give them the social status they need to impress Leftists and court the native vote.

I must admit that events are moving so swiftly these days that I have come to question my own identity too. I was born a male, look like a male and still think of myself as a male. So what is wrong with me? Then a progressive told me. I am ignorant and in need of an education. And I should start on the road to enlightenment by becoming a "Friend of the CBC."

I took her advice but went even further than that. I enrolled as a mature student in Gender Studies at the local university to rid myself of my White male privilege and shed my heteronormativity. That did the trick. After graduation I found myself standing alone naked in the shower and looking down at what I thought was a penis. Then I remembered from class that it was not a penis but a social construct.

I now look to the future with excitement. With so many choices in front of me, I realize that I don't have to settle for the same boring identity that has been assigned to me since birth. I am a Canadian and this is the current year. I can be anything I want to be if I set my feminine mind to it. In fact, right now I am determined to think and dress like a woman, marry a woman who thinks and dresses like a man, and use my social construct to impregnate her/him. I want to leave a legacy of indeterminate gender.

Sounds fun to me.

(Editor's Note: The author has notified us in the meantime that she is now female and wants to be called Theresa Murray.)

(PPS: She has just messaged us again. She is going to return to her old name so as not to confuse the postman but wants to keep her feminine identity because it's 2017 and the trending summer color is expected to be purple.)

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